Sunday, June 05, 2005
Let's take a break from Gomery to talk about...the improper handling of money?
If there's one constant about politicians, it's that they like to complain. Kerry complains about the existence of nuclear weapons, the United States of America, and non-organic coffee; Bush complains about dictators and the United Nations; Martin complains about whatever he feels people would like him to complain about on that particular day; Calgary's one alderman who is currently in the city complains that the other fourteen got to take an all-expense-paid trip to the land of fish, rust, and Trotsky (aka Maritime Canada).
Now, MP Brian Pallister has a beef with the way in which last Remembrance Day's poppy coins were distributed. Apparently distributing them through Tim Horton's was unethical. Now, we all know that the current government is not known for handling money ethically, but on this particular point I have to say CHILL OUT! Funnelling these coins through the private sector was the fastest way to get them to the public, since most people probably get more coins from a coffee/donut/bagel/sandwich/cake/small household appliances shop than they do from the bank. And if Tim Hortons made a little money, then (while it may not be in line with the typical Canadian way of thinking) good for them. They were performing a service to the public and the government getting these coins out; if they ended up with a slight increase in customers because of it, I don't see the problem.
Next time, however, if we want to make sure that no profit can be made by anyone as a result of commemorative coins being released, here's what we can do:
In the Maritimes, the government can pay their handouts to the fishermen in quarters. This can last only a few hours, of course, at which point we will run out of quarters.
In Ontario, the commemorative coins can be issued from liquor stores, ensuring both distribution from a needless public entity and the promotion of alcoholism, in turn leading to the death of more Ontarian brain cells and thus preventing evil conservativism from penetrating said province's boundaries.
In Quebec, since the inhabitants are descendents of the French, we can assume they're not interested in anything commemorating our war veterans, so there's really no point to distributing the new coins there.
In Saskatchewan and Manitoba, the NDP governments can pay a few flunkies minimum wage ($100/hour for those over 18) to drive around and drop a few quarters on each doorstep, not expecting anything in return since the idea of expecting people to work for pay is somewhat foreign to most socialists.
In BC, the coins are likely to disappear just after being handed over to the provincial Liberals, both because, well, they're Liberals, and because they're still trying to recover from the destruction wrought by the old NDP government.
In the territories, all five coins can be airlifted in at federal expense (assuming we have five working helicopters).
And in Alberta, we can hand them over to the private sector again, and actually see them before the day comes when physical currency is eradicated.
You think I'm joking, and I am, but still, it'd be by far the best plan the feds ever came up with. And that is a scary thought.
Now, MP Brian Pallister has a beef with the way in which last Remembrance Day's poppy coins were distributed. Apparently distributing them through Tim Horton's was unethical. Now, we all know that the current government is not known for handling money ethically, but on this particular point I have to say CHILL OUT! Funnelling these coins through the private sector was the fastest way to get them to the public, since most people probably get more coins from a coffee/donut/bagel/sandwich/cake/small household appliances shop than they do from the bank. And if Tim Hortons made a little money, then (while it may not be in line with the typical Canadian way of thinking) good for them. They were performing a service to the public and the government getting these coins out; if they ended up with a slight increase in customers because of it, I don't see the problem.
Next time, however, if we want to make sure that no profit can be made by anyone as a result of commemorative coins being released, here's what we can do:
In the Maritimes, the government can pay their handouts to the fishermen in quarters. This can last only a few hours, of course, at which point we will run out of quarters.
In Ontario, the commemorative coins can be issued from liquor stores, ensuring both distribution from a needless public entity and the promotion of alcoholism, in turn leading to the death of more Ontarian brain cells and thus preventing evil conservativism from penetrating said province's boundaries.
In Quebec, since the inhabitants are descendents of the French, we can assume they're not interested in anything commemorating our war veterans, so there's really no point to distributing the new coins there.
In Saskatchewan and Manitoba, the NDP governments can pay a few flunkies minimum wage ($100/hour for those over 18) to drive around and drop a few quarters on each doorstep, not expecting anything in return since the idea of expecting people to work for pay is somewhat foreign to most socialists.
In BC, the coins are likely to disappear just after being handed over to the provincial Liberals, both because, well, they're Liberals, and because they're still trying to recover from the destruction wrought by the old NDP government.
In the territories, all five coins can be airlifted in at federal expense (assuming we have five working helicopters).
And in Alberta, we can hand them over to the private sector again, and actually see them before the day comes when physical currency is eradicated.
You think I'm joking, and I am, but still, it'd be by far the best plan the feds ever came up with. And that is a scary thought.
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